if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Randomize
