If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
