Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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