Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
