turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
