hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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