I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize