I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
