Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
