You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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