She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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