no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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