The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
