i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
oh god the rape fog is back!
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
