I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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