Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
