My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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