Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
