I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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