I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
