K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
