We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
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