last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
