Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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