Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
