I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
