arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
