Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
you had me at cake vodka
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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