Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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