apparently the secret to your success is patron
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
