Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize