The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
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