I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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