Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
