I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
