She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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