went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize