but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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