Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
