Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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