You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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