Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
