I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
