wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
