the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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