Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize