Sry I called you an 8
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
