i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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