Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Welp...herpes.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
