wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
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