right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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