YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
