So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
