I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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