I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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