All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
