Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
