I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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