I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
