my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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