so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Soap is not a condiment
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
