Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
