I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
