just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
it's like iHOP with fire
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
