reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
