Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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