cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
