dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
