Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
