It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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