why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Randomize
