You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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