what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I supernannyed him into submission
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
