I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
