Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
