i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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