how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize