Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
