I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Randomize
