tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
