I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
