Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
