im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
