So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
