So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
