he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
