Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I am mentally ready for anal.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
