y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
